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I can’t believe what a big boy you’ve become!

You’ve been very busy this month. You’re thisclose to crawling and you’ve been honing the skills necessary to do so. You started by pushing up on your arms while lying on your tummy, then you started pushing your bottom up in the air to try to propel forward. Of course, that meant you had to use your forehead for leverage because your legs are REALLY strong but your arms couldn’t keep up with their intentions. Even so, you’ve started getting up on your knees regularly (especially as you sleep), so it’s only a matter of time before you get the coordination down to crawl.

And, really, you may skip over part of that anyway. You prefer to stand up whenever possible, whether that’s in someone’s lap or sitting in a bouncer. You like to be up on your tip-toes. You can stand up with flat feet, as long as you’re supported, and with some help you can even take several steps in a row across the room! You aren’t terribly interested in sitting up (though you’re pretty close to doing that on your own) but you seem to want to stand and walk, like, NOW.

You’ve got a nice healthy appetite and we’ve been trying out new foods at dinnertime! You’ve enjoyed carrots, peas, new potatoes, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, rutabaga, parsnip, sugar-free applesauce, yogurt, and bananas. You weren’t crazy about the avocado or blueberries, so we’ll try those again in a couple of weeks. I tried giving you a few Puffs last week, but you’re still working on hand-mouth coordination and weren’t all that jazzed about a different texture, even though they melt in your mouth. We’ll work on that later.

You’re still making good strides at being able to sleep through the night. A few times last night we were able to drop nighttime feedings–you settled down when offered your pacifier and went right back to sleep. And ONE very special night, you didn’t wake up at all! But you still usually want food or comfort during the night once or twice, so we’re still finding our groove on that.

You’ve been teething for about a month and a half. Nothing has erupted yet, but I wonder if that’s part of what’s been keeping you awake at night. You don’t seem to be in much pain during the day, but at night when it’s quiet and dark, I think you’re able to focus on it more. You enjoy chewing on refrigerated teething rings, fingers (your own or a friend’s), and any kind of cloth you can grab. (Much of the time you prefer the tether that the paci is attached to instead of the paci itself.)

Your swim lessons are going really well. You didn’t cry at all last week, not even after multiple sit-jumps off the side of the pool! You didn’t like being submerged in the water at first, and you used to fuss even when I sat you on the edge to get ready, but not last week. You just grinned up at me and kicked those feet when you came up. You even started relaxing during the back float–so much so that you indulged in a little thumb-sucking as we floated back and forth. Your teacher, Mr. Ron, was very impressed.

Because we got past official cold and flu season this past month, I felt more comfortable taking you out in public around lots of people. We went to a baseball game on a pretty afternoon. You fell asleep in your stroller at the top of the sixth but before you did, you really enjoyed people-watching. Your Braves onesie attracted attention, naturally. (Oh, and we won the game, too!)

You’re outgrowing clothes quickly. You mostly wear 9-month size right now, though you can still fit into some 6-month and 6-9s. You’re a long and lean 18 lbs, so you only seem to be outgrowing clothes in length–your waist is pretty small! Even so, you’ve got a little bit of adorable baby fat and I love seeing little rolls on your arms and legs.

Your favorite things to do are watch people, smile and jabber, and grab stuff: noses, beards, necklaces, earrings, puppy fur (ps: you have a very patient puppy), whatever. You’re starting to exhibit fear of strangers, and you’re even starting to fuss when you’re being held by people you’ve been around your whole life. I think we’re going through the separation anxiety and object permanence phase.

This is my new favorite picture of you:

 

 

Clearly you are a joy to be around–look at that face!

I love you, baby.

I got the news about Pat Summitt over lunch today. As a Vol and Lady Vol fan, I was understandably disappointed but not shocked.

But as the afternoon progresses, a real sadness has set in–for reasons transcending team affiliation.

My mother loved Pat. She took my grandparents to see the Lady Vols play in the SEC Championship several times. She and my grandfather would call each other almost right as soon as the timeclock hit zero, just to ask, “How ’bout them Vols?” She loved Pat’s feistiness just as much as that famous “steely” glare.

She called Pat a “classy broad,” which was about the highest compliment in her repertoire. She admired her for far more than her coaching prowess–also for the way she saw to it that all her players left Knoxville with degrees, the way she represented her school and her program with dignity, even the way she refused to get into a war of words with a serpent like Geno.

Mom never saw Pat reach 1,000 wins, but I watched it for her.

I thought of Mom when the news of Pat’s diagnosis first hit the press. It’s sometimes hard to accept when our heroes are humanized via devastating disease. How can someone of such stature be felled by anything? How dare that anything–whatever it is–refuse to cower in the presence of such a person?

Mom would of course have admired how Pat handled this past (and, as we now know, final) season. She tried to keep the attention on her players instead of on her, and in situations where that just wasn’t possible or plausible, she educated the public about this all-too-common diagnosis. Today’s decision is just as classy and humble as one would have expected.

I never thought Pat would coach forever–that’s silly. It’s just sad to be reminded that something so otherworldly-great ever comes to an end.

… but there are a lot of products out there geared toward women that I simply don’t get. I’m not sure there’s programming more vapid than Lifetime and Oxygen, for example. (Actually that’s not true. MTV and its demon spawns are just as bad and possibly worse.) I have no (p)interest in–well, you know. And I seldom read Babble.

I feel like I should apologize for that stuff, as though the universe is saying, “But Mere! This stuff is FOR YOU. Enjoy it! Indulge in just a little of the fluffy and unsubstantial. Kick your feet up and have a little fun!”

Meh, I’m okay, thanks.

HOWEVER, for whatever reason I did stumble over to Babble today and I found something useful over there–remember a couple of months ago when I was bemoaning the dearth of breastfeeding clothes? It seems another mother felt the same way, only she was nice enough to get off her duff and find 25 nursing-friendly ideas that are all under $50. Better yet, she’s a recent transplant to the south, so they’re all warm-weather-friendly (or “I-still-have-frequent-hot-flashes”-friendly) also.

Now, sure, I don’t shop at Forever 21. I already did my time in Contempo Casual (yes, in case you didn’t know, I’m old!), 579, Express, Body Shop, Wet Seal, Gadzooks, etc. But after site after site of tent-fashion, I’ll happily embrace shirts that were designed for girls half my age!

Well, in theory, certainly.

Go check out that link, seriously. There are some cute things. And thank you to Madeline for putting it together!

I set out to write this post about how claims of how celebrity new-moms lose their baby weight are absolutely ridiculous. But after about 20 seconds of thought, I figured that was pointless.

We (understand, I don’t mean you and me, I mean the collective “we,” ie, mostly the asshole media) fat-shame the celebrities who don’t quickly drop weight or inches. “OMG!” the headlines proclaim, “CHECK OUT THESE BEACH PICTURES OF [whoever's] UGLY CELLULITE!” But also there are these “OMG! CAN SHE POSSIBLY BE HEALTHY WHEN SHE’S RETURNED TO HER NORMAL SIZE THAT QUICKLY?” (“Quickly,” of course, being anywhere from five weeks to several months to a year. Whatever furthers the writer’s narrator’s point.)

You/we/they can’t win. Why are we even still discussing the weight of another person? How is that at all productive?

It really doesn’t even seem useful to point out that many celebrities were in very good shape before they got pregnant and during pregnancy, that it’s often easier to lose pregnancy pounds after the first baby, that not everyone drops weight at the same rate (if at all) and, when we’re talking about people whose job is to be aesthetically pleasing, they have slightly different motivation than the typical lady on the street. That stuff doesn’t even matter.

Because, honestly, how is Beyonce’s weight any of my damn business?

Winter

On the way to the babysitter’s this morning, I was listening to WFCL, as I nearly always do. (That’s the all-classical NPR affiliate here.) Vivaldi’s “Winter” began, but I quickly realized this was not an arrangement I had heard before. It was for strings and HARP.

Harp.

Let me tell you–it was beyond impressive to hear the first section, Allegro non molto, played on a harp. (That’s the really fast part at the beginning.) I bet the harpist fingers were sore afterward, but wow, she was awesome. (Crappy sample on Amazon totally does not show off what I was talking about.)

And then Largo began and I realized this was it! This was probably EXACTLY what Vivaldi had in mind when he composed this piece. Largo on a harp just sounds right. I can’t explain it any better than that but it sounds the way it’s supposed to.

I missed most of the third section, Allegro, because I was inside dropping off the baby. But this thing was major enough that I had to share, even if only based on the first two-thirds of the composition.

How time flies! It’s hard to believe you’re already halfway to your first birthday, but here we are.

Probably in part because of the ridiculously mild winter we’re having, you have been very healthy this whole time. You’re receiving your final Synagis injection at your next checkup unless medical authorities determine that RSV season will last longer than anticipated. You haven’t been around big groups of people very much and we still make everyone wash their hands before they get to hold you, just in case.

Your personality is really becoming obvious. You’re paying close attention to your surroundings, so even if someone isn’t going out of their way to do something funny for you, you often laugh anyway. The other night when your Papa and I were discussing furniture, I said, “Ooh, ooh, ooh! You should go see them at [the store you and I shopped in over the weekend]” and you just found that hilarious. Sneezes are also apparently very funny. (Usually just your own, but also mine sometimes.)

You’re very curious about what’s going on around you. You like to watch A and P play at Mrs. D’s house. You like to reach out for toys that are nearby. You don’t much care for being in your pack n’ play for very long because you want to sit up and see what everyone is doing.

You can’t quite sit up by yourself yet but you’re getting there. You’ve definitely got rolling to the left accomplished. (To the right–not so much yet.) You can also push up when you’re laying on your stomach, and you only need one arm to do so. Just like that picture I took of you doing a one-arm pushup in the NICU, you like to show off how strong you are. Your legs are also very strong. You can stand as long as you have someone supporting you. Sometimes when someone is holding you in their lap, you make it known that you’d rather STAND on their lap.

You still eat rice cereal, though some days you don’t want as much as others. I tried experimenting with mashed avocado one day and pureed carrots on another day, but you weren’t interested in those. Even though your pediatrician doesn’t use an adjusted age with you, I have to remember that you were very early–you should only be 3.5 months now–so I don’t need to rush to feed you food yet. You still nurse regularly unless I’m at work, and then you get a bottle.

This past week you have slept through the night twice! You’d done it a few times before and it’s still the exception and not the rule, but I was proud of you for it. Your preferred sleeping position is the same now as it was in NICU: on your left side but not quite on your stomach. Once you settle yourself into that position at night, you fall asleep very quickly, whether I’m in the room or not.

When you first wake up, you don’t really cry anymore. Now you talk to yourself. I’m not sure what you’re saying but you don’t sound perturbed. You’re in a happy mood but it still takes a few minutes for you to fully come to your senses. (It’s probably going to be like that all the time, so just get used to it. Later on I’m sure your aunt and uncle will introduce you to black coffee and it’ll speed that process up a little.)

Your other favorite sound to make is this: “what noise does a truck make?”

You’re drooling a lot and sucking on your fingers (or anyone else’s if they’re available), so we’ve wondered whether you’re going to start teething soon. I can feel something in your lower gums, so we may be close. You also like to suck on your bib or the sleeve of the person holding you.

We’re starting to work on some sign language so that soon you’ll be able to tell me what you’re thinking about!

You are an amazing, gorgeous, engaging little man. I can’t wait to see what the next six months (and beyond!) bring. I love you more than anything, baby boy.

I am not the entrepreneurial sort. I admire and respect those who are, but I require the safety and security of a corporate job. I scraped by in a different industry when I was younger and I have no desire to return to that standard of living.

That said, I completely understand women who start companies (like Timi & Leslie) out of sheer necessity. As many products as there out there that cater to expecting and new moms, a LOT of them leave much to be desired.

Women have commented to me about how maternity fashion has come such a long way since the days when my mother was pregnant with me. And it has. You can find classic work-appropriate basics, fashion-forward fun pieces, or evening gowns without too much effort now.

But nursing clothing? Totally different story. Basically you can choose from three categories*:

  • So-called “crossover” maternity clothes, whose designers apparently assume you are still the same size and shape as when you were 40 weeks pregnant–they are therefore tent-like.
  • Appropriate for nursing but completely frumpy, shapeless, boring, and only available in two or three colors.
  • Cute and functional for nursing but awfully low-cut. You’d need a camisole to get away with it at work, and doesn’t that defeat the purpose of wearing something you can easily pump in?

* These are the affordable choices. Obviously you can find a lot more options that are expensive, but I wasn’t spending $80 on a shirt before I became the head of a household; I’m sure as hell not doing it now. (I declined someone offering to buy me $30 leggings when I was pregnant because I knew Old Navy had them for $10. Why spend more money for the same product if you don’t have to?)

If I knew anything at all about fashion design, I could easily see myself churning out a few cute tops and dresses with the features I so rarely find. They’d have to be affordable, though, because women in this country apparently don’t nurse as long as in other places and no one wants to spend money on something she’ll only wear twice. (Le sigh–I have such cute maternity clothes that befell this fate because of the circumstances.)

But I don’t, so I’ll just keep complaining on the internet.

… in the following ways:

1. Nursing cramps. Seriously, it’s been 25 weeks. I don’t think my uterus is going to get any smaller. Knock it off.

2. Mommy-ears. You would think by now that evolution would help sleep-deprived mothers out and develop some kind of brain wiring to correctly differentiate “OMG I’M STARVING FEED ME RIGHT NOW” from “Waaaaaaaah… eh, never mind; I’m just starting a new sleep cycle.” Either way we wake up. But in the case of the second one, we then stare at the ceiling for however long afterward.

3. Night sweats. I talked about this before. Hormones are sometimes teh suck.

4. Hair loss. I just had to go down two sizes in ponytail holders. I now use the normal size and not the extra-large gigantors. My stylist says to expect this for at least a year before it stabilizes. I still have lots of hair and in no danger of bald spots, but I gotta clean out my drain more often.

5. Hand paresthesia. I’m tired of my hands falling asleep so often. One friend said this was likely due to the pre-eclampsia and that, for her, it lasted for months. So maybe not all new moms have this.

There are other things too, but this is where we delve into the TMI stuff…

Today, you–my beautiful boy–are five months old. On one hand, that’s hard to believe. Time has flown. On the other hand, it’s difficult to remember what life was like without you. Your arrival was, as you know, surprising, chaotic, and dramatic; it was also the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Let’s just make that very clear right now.

You have more than tripled in size since the day we brought you home from the hospital. You’re six times heavier than you were at birth. I still catch myself handling you very gingerly–the way we did when you were in the NICU and we didn’t want to hurt you! (Unfortunately I did accidentally bonk your head while putting you on the scale at the pediatrician’s office during your first visit back in September. You cried, but only for a minute.)

You still retain the cool, laid-back attitude you had in the hospital. The little girl in the adjacent pod was pretty unhappy most of the time and I worried that you might pull a bait-and-switch on me, but the nurses said no, you were clearly not going to be high-strung. You don’t cry or fuss without good reason. It doesn’t take much to elicit one of your megawatt smiles: a funny face, a song, a smile from someone else, or just a Tuesday. You also laugh quite a bit, so I try to ham it up as much as possible. You’ve been lauded for all the times that you were so calm that people weren’t aware that you were in the room.

YOU HAVE STUFF TO SAY. Lots of stuff. To encourage this, I try to narrate what’s going on as you look around and take it all in. I explained why it was hard to root for the Ravens or the Texans as you gazed intently at the TV. I told you how much your late grandmother loved Pat Head Summitt. I wanted to take the picture shown here, so I sang one of our little songs to get your attention–when I said your name, you stopped looking at my iPhone and looked right at me. Chronologically you aren’t supposed to recognize your name when someone says it until around your first birthday. But I know you’ve never been interested in other people’s timetables.

You nap a lot less during the day than when you were first home. There’s too much to look at and too many people to charm, so you want to be part of it. When you do get sleepy, you’ll try to fight it if you can, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve to convince you to do otherwise. You’re almost too big for the bassinet on your pack & play downstairs, so you nap in your swing or, if you’re at Mrs. D’s, your car seat. If we’re lucky and I can sit for a while, my favorite place for you to nap is resting against my right shoulder. (I love feeling your breath against my skin.)

You sleep in your crib for about half the night, but you still get hungry and want to nurse, so you come in my room at some point. You’re going a little longer between feedings–sometimes as much as four hours, but even more on occasion when you’ve had a bottle.

You have a lot of fans, both on the internet and in real life. Your demeanor and cuteness cause people to fight over who gets to hold you first. Friends and family who are far away are able to watch you grow via pictures we upload to your site.

I stare at you a lot, whether you’re awake or asleep. A lot. I stare at the shape of your upper lip, at the vein that runs down the left side of your forehead (just like mine), at your blue eyes. When I’m at work and I miss you, I take a few minutes every day to study pictures of you. I’m seeing the shape of your face start to become more pronounced–more like that of a boy’s instead of a baby’s.

I worry some too. I worry about trimming your fingernails and toenails, though I have to do so at least three times a week so you have less of a chance of scratching yourself. I worry about the best way to clean your ears, giving you enough tummy time for you to build up your strength to roll over, or that you’re too hot or too cold. (Usually hot.)

But you know what? All that worry is unnecessary. You are a big, strong boy. You are very healthy, against all odds, and are happy. I am so incredibly proud of you and feel so lucky to be your mommy.

I love you, baby.

(And remember, “as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”)

Bearhat Babbler

I recently spoke with Gail Kerr about the inconvenience of having to go to a different store to buy wine rather than being able to buy it when and where I buy my food. Here are my unabridged thoughts on the subject.

Why are you a supporter of Red, White and Food?

RWF was established to give a voice to the consumer. In recent years, similar grass-roots campaigns have proven to be vital change agents, and I don’t think it’s any secret that change is needed—and overdue—here in Tennessee. Many of our residents have relocated here from other states and are surprised, bemused, and eventually annoyed that they can’t buy a bottle of wine along with other dinner ingredients in their local grocery store. Even those of us who haven’t lived in areas that allow for this have traveled enough to be able to appreciate the convenience of such “luxury.” In addition, we are able to witness in these other communities how grocery stores and specialty liquor stores somehow manage to peacefully coexist. Red, White & Food allows members of the general public to communicate their ideas to legislators just as loudly and insistently as the liquor lobby has over the years. At the end of the day, informed dialogue is always useful.

Do you find it especially inconvenient this time of year to have to make an extra stop for your holiday dinners and festivities?

Like most consumers of any product, I enjoy having options. If I want a special bottle of wine for a gift or to pair with a particular course, I have favorite wine retailers upon whom I can rely for wide selections and/or recommendations. On the other hand, sometimes I just need something with which to make spaghetti sauce or sangria. It doesn’t need to be anything special and, if I lived in another state, I could grab a $9 bottle on the next aisle at Kroger or Publix. It’s always a hassle to get in the car and drive to another location. It wastes time and gas and adds extra stress to the everyday running of errands.

But here we are at the holidays, when everything is more stressful. We have less time, less disposable income, and we encounter bigger crowds in shopping centers. The inconvenience factor has now increased exponentially. I’m something of a procrastinator, so I this year left my Thanksgiving shopping for that Wednesday before. Of course the stores were mobbed, but getting to and from a liquor store near my office added an extra hour to my commute, not counting time spent looking for parking, waiting in line, etc. That’s an hour I would prefer to have spent at home with my family, obviously.

The other reason multiple stops create a major inconvenience for me is because I have a newborn. It’s something of a production whenever he accompanies me on errands, not to mention that I want to minimize his exposure to lots of people when we’re right in the thick of flu and RSV season. Going to the store for essentials has turned into more of a complex process, as any new parent would attest, and these days I critically evaluate whether an extra stop is really worth it. Many times I now skip that extra stop. So if the prevailing wisdom of liquor store owners is that grocery stores being able to sell wine would result in a huge drop in their business, well, they’re already seeing a decrease from me by default.

I am grateful that I can have wine shipped to my home now if I want—though I’d much prefer my dollars stay close to home.

The organization is going to try a different tactic with this coming legislature. Instead of changing state law, they are going to seek legislation that would allow cities and counties to hold referendums on wine in grocery stores. Is that something you would vote for?

What’s positive about going the route of local referendums as opposed to wholesale change in state laws is that it gives a community a choice in the matter and protects its politicians from having to make decisions that, while appeasing their constituents, are potentially unpopular with some of their largest campaign contributors. While the state laws governing beer, liquor, and accoutrements are archaic and in desperate need of overhaul for the benefit of consumers AND proprietors, this tactic may very well be a good compromise. Of course, this would have no effect on communities that don’t already have liquor stores, but it could really benefit those that do, particularly rural areas where residents have to drive further to have access to any kind of retail.

Yes, this is a measure I would vote for. My town inexplicably decided all liquor stores should be required to sit within a certain number of feet from Main Street. My closest grocery store is roughly two-and-a-half miles from Main Street, so if such a referendum were to pass there, it would certainly help local businesses and their customers. On a larger scale, it would enhance the desirability of these communities for development by retailers who currently choose not to do business there. (I’ve often said Trader Joe’s or Fresh Market would make a killing in that county.) Finally, such a move would bring pricing more in line with that of other states.

If I were able to wave a magic wand and right the wrongs of Prohibition-era laws, I would. Until Amazon is able to ship me that wand (tax-free still, right?), I’d settle for this.

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